8 Rules Successful People Live By to Make Their Time Well Spent

Alwaysshort on time and behind on tasks? Is your productivity getting affected since there are only 24 hours in a day? Then what you need are effective time management skills perfected by the biggies of the corporate and celebrity world. For these are the people who manage to do so much more, in the same amount of time as everybody else.

One View Successful People Commonly Share — Time Is the Most Valuable Commodity

Successful people know that time is as essential and valuable a commodity as is money – so they use it wisely and well. Time that is wasted can never come back – each minute should be utilized wisely for that makes all the difference in you having an excellently productive day or not.¹

Time management is essential if you want to finish the day’s work and chores in an orderly manner, not have any guilt over “wastage” and even have enough free time left over to spend with family, friends or even with yourself.

8 Time Management Rules That Successful People Follow

Maintain a Time Log

When you embark on a fitness of weight loss regime, nutritionists and dieticians often advise that you keep a food and workout log – to note down all that you ate in a day, the quantity of what you ate and even the fitness regime for that day. Similarly, successful businesspersons often advise that you start a time management program by maintaining a time log – this will tell you how you used your time and where all are you wasting it – it may make you feel a bit like a slacker, but it will ultimately help you give your work day proper direction and help you answer that nagging question “where is my time going?”²

Get Some Workout in the Morning

Richard Branson, the super famous, filthy rich celebrity-cum-corporate honcho gets up at 5 am to work out and claims that his morning fitness regime helps him have a super-productive day. And he’s not wrong – working out in the morning keeps you mentally sharp and physically active through the day – and you also get the feel good of the exercise high since the endorphins aka happy hormones flood your system and also are on a high since you did something positive for yourself early in the morning! ³

Decide on a Must-Do List

Entrepreneur and CNBC’s The Profit star Marcus Lemonis has another great tip to offer his audience – he makes a must-do list every morning – though he calls it his knockout list. And he of course has card in his basement closet specially made for this, and after he has done his five things of the day that simply cannot be put off, if he has the time, he does more. And the card of the day is turned into a paper plane once the tasks are all done… So the gist for you remains the same, though you don’t need custom-made cards – a simply notebook, planner or even diary would suffice, and you don’t have to make paper planes out if it either – do your own quirk instead. ⁴

Do Difficult Tasks in the Morning

There are things – call them tasks, call them chores or call them bores – that we all tend to groan and moan about and put off till the very last minute. These are the tasks that you should tackle the first thing in the morning itself when you are fresh, sharp and not jaded by what the day has brought you. Do what you find boring and uninterested first, the rest of the day is likely to be much more interesting and fun for you to go through – if you keep putting off those tasks they are likely to take up a lot of time when you finally get around to doing them. Morning is the time your willpower is at your highest – so a good time to tackle what would normally take you a lot of dithering to finish.⁵

Make Work Interesting

Jack Groetzinger, co-founder and CEO of SeatGeek makes his tasks fun by gamifying them. He has written a software that calculates how much time it takes him to do something – say writing an e-mail and maintains a daily log of the same. Each day, he tries to break his own record by doing the same thing faster, even if it’s just by a few seconds. And while not all of us are tech-inclined enough to do the same, there are not plenty of apps available that literally map your time, and help you finish your work faster – by using regular reminders, or even screen alarms.⁶

Concentrate on Core Competencies

What you don’t know well, will take you time to do. We are all are great at a few things, but not-so-great or inclined at others. Make sure that when it comes to time management skills, you tackle the work that falls within your core competencies the most, instead of doing stuff that you first have to learn, err or that is simply not up your alley. This is not to say that you shouldn’t learn something new or try something that you haven’t before, but keep that restricted to your free or leisure time. Bill Smith, founder and CEO of Shipt says that as much as he’d like to do everything by himself, he’s much rather delegate stuff to competent employees so that he is free to do what he is best at – oversee and direct.⁷

Use Your Free Time, Plan Your Breaks

Arianna Huffington, author and entrepreneur takes breaks during the day, especially for meals and believes that taking “pauses” boosts productivity and decreases stress. Similarly, Daymond John, founder and CEO of FUBU and entrepreneur tries to maximize him time – if he’s travelling, he doesn’t snooze away his time. Instead he’ll do his e-mails… So when you get free time, use that to your advantage instead of whiling it away. And your breaks need to be planned as well – you can use a bit of free time to plan ahead and take some deliberate breaks to refresh yourself at work as well.⁸

Plan a Good Weekend

Nick Huzar, the founder and CEO of OfferUp, prioritizes some alone time on Sundays to refocus himself and his work. His breaks are planned and used to plan his week ahead. On the flip side, planning a good weekend also works and will help you stave off that I-have-wasted-my-free-time depressing feeling. Plan three to five anchor events that give you the positive feeling that the weekend was spent well, instead that a weekend merely happened. Go for a run, or a weekend trip, or a movie or even a family picnic. Spend your free time constructively instead of being just a boring homebody.⁹

So basically, learn from the experts as to how they manage to accomplish a lot more than others, in the same amount of time. The day is the same 24 hours for everyone – but time management makes all the difference in what all you are able to do in it…

Why There Are So Few Successful People in the World: Talents Are Overrated

Imagine my surprise when halfway through an application for a writer’s position, I was given an IQ test. Unbeknownst to me, their requirement was that candidates should score over 132.

Considering I was not attempting to be a Mathematician, I failed to see its relevance. But being British, I had never before encountered an IQ test, so out of curiosity about the questions, I completed it. They determined my score was 146 and I was offered the role.

I, however, declined. I felt disenchanted about working with people who would judge me solely on my analytical skills or MENSA prospects, instead of the strength of my experience or what I could offer. (They barely inquired about my resume).

One of the most intelligent people I know has never been to university. I have met incredibly successful people who may not score as high on these IQ tests due to dyslexia. The truth is the biggest factor that determines success is resilience–not IQ.

A 30-year study by the University of Pennsylvania ¹ found that cognitive control had a far greater influence on a child’s success than their IQ or wealth.

IQ too often can used as a prejudice. Furthermore, its creator in the early 1900s, Alfred Binet, himself emphasized the limitations of the test, stating that intellect was too broad to quantify.

We often overlook the numerous failures successful people have gone through

Being talented or having a high IQ does not guarantee success. There are hoards of unsuccessful musicians, artists, actors, businessmen, etc. who are more gifted than their peers who went on to achieve success. The key to that success is resilience.

• Bill Gates’ first company, Traf-O-Data was a failure. In fact, the product did not even work.
• Stephen King’s first book was rejected thirty times. “Carrie” would go on to sell over 350 million copies and become a blockbuster film.
• Oprah endured repeated sexual abuse as a child and consequently ran away from home. At 14-years-old she gave birth to a baby who died not long after. Despite it all, she went on to win a full scholarship to college and is today, one of the wealthiest people in the world.

Research finds why some people with high IQs do not succeed at all

In the 1920s, a research ² commenced with approximately 1,500 children who had an IQ of at least 140; the average IQ score of the participants was 150. They were frequently monitored to see how high IQs impacted upon their lives.

Group A (the most successful) was compared to Group C (the least successful). Despite sharing the same IQ, most individuals in Group C did not become professionals and earned just a slightly above average wage. There were also higher rates of alcoholism and divorce when compared to Group A.

Those in Group A had three key traits that Group C lacked: goal-orientation, self-confidence, and perseverance. IQ or talent may play a role in success, but resilience is far more important.

How to have more resilience and be a winner in life

Flexible thinking: Remember things change every second

If something does not work in one way, there may be other ways that you could explore. Perhaps it may involve approaching different people or searching for an alternative route.

No record label wanted to sign Jay Z so in the end, he opted to create his own label and the rest is history.

Don’t take failure personally. No one remembers that actually.

Failure is an important part of succeeding. It allows you to re-evaluate areas of improvement. Embrace those moments and all that you can learn from them.

Sir James Dyson had 5,126 failures in his endeavour to create the world’s first bagless hoover–the Dyson Vacuum Cleaner. When he finally did, no distributor in the UK was interested. He instead took it the Japanese market where it won an award. Despite this, manufacturers still did not want to back him so he decided to start his own company. Today, Dyson is a billion dollar business.

Don’t have time limits. Don’t restrict yourself.

Many people tend to put time constraints on themselves. The idea that you should have achieved a certain thing before you are thirty, forty or fifty simply creates unnecessary stress.

Colonel Sanders, the founder of KFC, came up with his recipe at the age of 50 and it wasn’t until he was 62 that he started to pitch his recipe to restaurants. At 74, he was able to sell his franchise for 2 million dollars.

Practice mindfulness to offload your worries and anxiety

This is the concept of being in the here and now. Most of the things that you feel worried or anxious about exist only in the future. Those worse case scenarios you envision may or may never happen. You are simply depleting your energy unnecessarily.

Instead, focus on all that is happening right now. Maybe it is a nice day outside and the sun is shining. Perhaps you may be seeing a good friend for brunch. Or even that joy of working on something that you really believe in.

Resilience is being able to cope with those obstacles that you will, no doubt, encounter along your path to your dreams and ambitions. No one is immune to some form of hardship or challenge.

And most importantly, find moments that allow you to enjoy you. After all, you owe it to yourself. It’s a life term.

This Is Why Classical Music Lovers Are Smarter

Everyonehas heard of that parent who makes their infant child listen to Mozart out of the hope that he will be smarter and thinks it is absurd. But the reality is that scientific studies show that music, and particularly classical music, could really help improve our brains and learning.

Unfortunately, people have a tendency to misunderstand the actual science, which results in two problematic results. Either you pop in a CD of Mozart’s songs and listen to it for a few hours hoping to be a genius, which is absurd. Or you look at that absurd scenario and conclude that music does not help improve your brain at all, which is also incorrect in a different way. A proper look at the mental benefits of classical music gives a much more nuanced picture.

No, listening to Mozart for hours upon hours will not mean the difference between a child being a dunce or the next Einstein. But if you understand what classical music does to our brains, you will understand that it can make a small, if noticeable difference.

Nothing Happens Overnight. Benefits Accumulate over Time.

As the BBC notes¹ the idea that listening to Mozart improves intelligence has been around since 1991 in response to a study published from the University of California. But as so often happens in science, a researcher makes a modest discovery only for journalists and the common people to wildly blow those small claims out of proportion. All the researchers found was that for a short period of about 15 minutes after listening to Mozart, young adults performed menial spatial tasks better.

But after that study, scientists took a further look at the effects of music in general and classical music in particular on our brains. Some studies found that individuals memorized objects better or performed better on learning tests after listening to classical music. And in 2004, a study which examined rats’ ² brain activity after listening to Mozart found that “had increased gene expression of BDNF, a neural growth factor, CREB, a learning and memory compound, and synapsin I, a synaptic growth protein.” In laymen’s terms, the brain created chemicals in response to the stimulation of Mozart’s music.

Not Only Does It Make You Smarter, But Also Feel Better.

In addition to boosting intelligence, further studies have shown that listening to classical music can have other benefits. Classical music can help relieve anxiety as shown by how doctors today use music therapy to help treat disorders such as dementia and poor sleeping. While music is obviously only one aspect of the overall treatment, it is clear that even if you are not convinced that listening to music makes you smarter, there is no doubt that it can help improve your health in other areas.

Choose the Right Music for Yourself. It Works Only When You Enjoy It.

Everything listed above should make it clear that listening to classical music is beneficial. But does it necessarily have to be classical music or even just Mozart’s music? Will listening to Brahms or Tchaikovsky or even rock music create the same effect?

The answer, to some degree, is yes. In general, music acts as a stimulant on the brain. According to Inc., listening to music causes ³ your brain to build a path between your memory and emotional center, keeping your brain active. But the distinguishing factor is not any particular form of music, but what kind of music you like. If you find classical music boring, it is not going to be much of a stimulant.

There are some unique qualities of classical music which do make it more effective all other things being equal, but that principle can also apply to 15-minute manifestation ⁴ or some other similar technique. Classical music is more musically complex compared to rock or pop songs, which means that the stimulant effect is greater as your brain processes these songs. It also is a better relaxant, which is an underrated aspects of how music can help improve learning. Rather than directly boosting your brain’s power, classical music can create a more soothing environment which is more conducive to thinking.

But do not take this to mean that you should force yourself to listen to classical music if you find it boring and uninteresting. Music, no matter from whom or where it was created, is always enervating and beneficial to your brain. Forcing yourself to listen to uninteresting music will eventually turn yourself off from doing it completely, especially as the benefits and only accumulate over time. If you would rather listen to death metal than Mozart, do not feel ashamed and turn up the volume.

The debate over how music affects the brain will not end with a few studies, but the research shows that classical music can benefit your brain and overall health. But don’t take this to mean that listening to one symphony will permanently boost your IQ by 10 points or that you should confine yourself to classical music. Music is meant to be enjoyed and loved, not treated as the equivalent of a vitamin supplement.

A Detailed Breakdown of the 6 Types of Facepalmed Moments We All Have Experienced

Imagine you’ve been chosen for a part in your local amateur theatre production of “The Picture of Dorian Gray”.

Weeks of rehearsals leave you ready to take to the stage. On opening night, the curtain rises as you wait eagerly in the wings for your moment to walk into the spotlight.

As you step purposely towards the center of the stage, disaster strikes… You’ve miscalculated the height of the stage riser, and in the space of a second, you’ve fallen flat on your face – right in front of the audience!

Embarrassment is one word for it. Humiliation is another.

We can’t avoid an embarrassing moment, so deal with it.

Embarrassing situations can actually change how we behave in the years ahead.

As an example, if you were an inferior sports player at school, you’ve probably learned to avoid competitive sports as an adult. This would be especially true if your school ‘friends’ had mocked your sporting ability. (Kids can be cruel!)

Clearly, embarrassment can be a major factor in how we conduct and live our lives.

Given that you’ll always encounter embarrassing situations, it makes complete sense to learn how to cope with these situations. The first step in doing this, is to understand the different types of embarrassment that we all come across in our day-to-day lives.

Yes, there really are 6 different types of embarrassment.

You’ve probably not given embarrassment a lot of thought. In fact, you’ve probably tried to forget all about it!

However, if you’re going to deal with embarrassment, then it’s important to understand the different types of it.

1. When your privacy is violated.

Having your privacy violated can be a terrible thing. For example, imagine if your personal photos were stolen by hackers and posted publicly for all to see. Your reputation could be tarnished, and you may lose face among your friends and family.

2. When you don’t know something.

I’m sure you wouldn’t be tempted to do this, but… Many people exaggerate their skills, knowledge and experience on their resume. When writing, they may be comfortable with ‘spinning’ their words. However, a tough interview can quickly reveal their lies and deception. Shame, guilt and embarrassment are all easy to spot on the human face.

3. When you’re being criticized.

Do you remember the first time you asked someone out on a date? No doubt, you spent weeks building up the courage to speak to the person of your dreams. When the perfect time arrived, you pushed yourself beyond all limits and asked your crush if they’d like to go out with you. Unfortunately for you… they appeared to smirk, before saying: “No thanks!” A devastatingly embarrassing situation for you. (And one that you may not have ever fully recovered from.)

4. When you do something awkward.

I used to work in a trendy office that overlooked the River Thames in London. We were lucky enough to have our own patio right down to the water’s edge. It was paradise. However… one day my manager was talking on his cell phone while strolling around the patio. Caught up in his phone conversation, he walked too close to the patio edge. I remember looking across at him, right at the moment he fell into the river! His phone was lost, and he was completely soaked. I’m not sure that he ever managed to live that moment down.

5. When your image is not what you want.

Have you noticed how everyone seems to be obsessed with aging? By this, I’m referring to our futile attempts to hold back the hands of time. It seems to start with teenage girls. In most cases, they seem to never want to grow up. Post-teenage years, and you’ve reached the stage where virtually everyone is trying to stay young forever. I won’t name names, but I’ve several male friends who due to being embarrassed about their hair going gray – now regularly dye their hair. Of course, there are much more extreme actions than this. Think of the growing popularity of plastic surgery.

6. When you don’t feel like fitting in.

I’m sure you’ve heard of culture shock.¹ This happens to the majority of people who move to live abroad. While the first few weeks may be okay. After that, they start to find themselves caught up in frustrating and embarrassing situations caused by the new culture they’ve immersed themselves in. As an example. some cultures require women to cover themselves at the beach. Other countries are much more relaxed, with some even allowing nudity.

If we all feel embarrassed anyway, why not turn it to our advantage?

Have you considered that embarrassment could be a positive thing?

It’s true. With the right reactions on your part, embarrassing situations can definitely be turned to your advantage.

Let’s look now at a few ways that you can do this.

Downplay the Moment

Do you remember President Obama attempting to enter the White House (while being filmed by dozens of rolling cameras) only to find himself locked out of his usual entrance. For sure, a highly embarrassing situation for him. However, he didn’t let the situation phase him. Instead, he coolly walked a few meters to the next doorway – which was unlocked. You can use this trick too. Rather than turning an embarrassing situation into something even worse. Play it cool.

Change the Channel

You’ve accidentally offended one of your friends by making an inappropriate joke. What can you do to fix this? Well, an apology is certainly a good idea in this case. However, it’s important to move the situation on as quickly as possible. You can do this, by changing the conversation to something completely different. Just make sure that it’s something that your friend is genuinely interested in.

Stop Replaying the Embarrassment

If only I hadn’t done that. If only I hadn’t said that. If only, if only, if only… Stop! By replaying embarrassing situations, you’ll drive yourself crazy. Mistakes happen, but that doesn’t mean we need to torture ourselves by endless repeating them in our minds. Instead, always try to focus on the now, or on a positive goal. The other trick to stop your mind replaying embarrassing moments, is to keep your mind busy with productive thoughts.

Laugh at Yourself

A 2011 study² found that having the ability to laugh at yourself was a sign of an optimistic personality. It makes sense, as pessimistic people seldom seem to laugh at themselves (they’re too busy being miserable!). When it comes to handling embarrassing situations like tripping in public, then being able to laugh at yourself will serve you well. Not only will others respond positively to your behavior – but you’ll also feel much less embarrassed.

Just Go Ahead and Blush

Embarrassment has physical side effects such as blushing. However, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If you blush when you realize you’ve made a mistake, others will immediately see that you’re a warm-hearted and emotional person. These are positive traits, that will endear people to you. For example, imagine that you’ve accidentally short-changed a cashier at a local store. You were on your way out of the store, when you heard them say… “Excuse me, but you haven’t paid the right amount.” If you look embarrassed, and you blush strongly, then the cashier will know immediately that you’ve made an honest mistake.

So, now you know the different types of embarrassment, and how best to deal with them.

Use this knowledge, and start making your life happier and more successful.

6 Memory Techniques to Help You Keep Things in Mind Effortlessly

Haveyou found yourself missing appointments or forgetting simple tasks? Do you secretly worry that you might be losing your mind? Never fear! You and millions of others are struggling with this same issue every single day. We live in such a fast paced world, and very connected, that it is easier to forget or not retain information on a regular basis. Think about it. 30 years ago you could dial a phone number from memory and not think twice about it. Now we rely on the contacts list in our phone and never really have to memorize a number.

So what happens when we want to remember things and we feel like we can’t? We go back in time and pick up the old ways and make them new!

Get creative and rhyme things out

One of the easiest ways to remember something is to put it into a rhyme or create a song. I can remember when I was young, I had a hard time remembering how to spell Valentine. I consistently wanted to spell it “Valentime”. So in order to learn it, I would sing a song called “will you be my Valentine” that has you spell out the word Valentine, rather than say it. And think about it, the songs and rhymes are often easiest for us to remember because of the beat of how we recite them. If you actually sat down and thought about how many songs you know by heart, you’d be pretty amazed with yourself!

Surprise, you can use mnemonic devices to memorize things too!

Mnemonic devices are a fantastic way to remember things. Everyone knows about the order of mathematics thanks to Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally (aka PEMDAS). Without that mnemonic device, I would have failed math quickly!

Always associate with something else when you get stuck with other methods

Names are a common thing many of us seem to be unable to remember, especially after we meet someone. I have been told often that when you meet someone, repeat their name and you will remember it. I can attest that it’s not true a lot of times. Especially if you are in a networking event! Associating something with the name is a much better way. In junior high school, I had to remember all the presidents and in order. This proved to be hard, until a family friend told me to create associations so that if I got stuck, the clue was the association. So if I got stuck at Garfield, I would be reminded to think of the cartoon cat. If it was Pierce, I would think about ears.

Imagine and create pictures for words

Sometimes we get bogged down with words and we forget that we don’t have to limit ourselves with just words. Using pictures to remind ourselves of information. This is extremely helpful if you already have a vivid imagination and tend to think with pictures. Simply take a situation, say turning in a report at 8 am, and create a picture of the report sitting next to a clock that says 8am. It should help you remember that task!

Take a moment and visualize your needs before doing something

How many of us walk into a room to get something and forget why we went into that room? All of us! It is one of the more annoying occurrences in our lives and yet it’s pretty easy to reverse that situation. Simply take a moment and really think about what it is you want from that room. Let’s say you are going into the kitchen for a glass of water. Think about that before you go into the room and keep thinking about it while you go in. Don’t allow anything else to distract you!

Most importantly, pay attention to whatever information you are presented with!

I am sure you are already thinking “But I am paying attention!”. I understand completely but when I spoke with someone about this recently, we often think we are paying attention when we are not. When we forget names, it’s because we are often overwhelmed by the environment or the nervousness around meeting someone new. When we forget what we need from the kitchen, it’s because we are pulled in multiple directions at one time (you mothers know what I am talking about!). Take a moment, take a deep breath, and really pay attention to the information at hand.

Follow these tricks, tackling one issue at a time, and you will notice a large change in your memory abilities!

If It Hurts, It's Not Love: Why Not to Stay in an Abusive Relationship

Abuse is not love. It is about power and control over a person. It usually starts small in a relationship and becomes a bigger problem over time. Abuse doesn’t typically begin with physical harm; it begins with emotional harm.

The abuse gets worse as the relationship progresses. He/She may not be hitting you while you are dating, but the controlling behaviors are often evident early in the relationship. Those controlling ways are abuse. That’s why it is so imperative to recognize the signs of abuse before you are in too deeply.

The impact of abuse is much more widespread than people acknowledge.

You may be thinking this doesn’t apply to you because you aren’t being abused, but it does, because someone you know is being abused.

Abuse has no socioeconomic, racial, or cultural barriers. It happens to people who are rich and to people who are poor. It can happen to anyone, in any walk of life. An article on Livestrong.com provides some important information about abuse and states:¹

“Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 to 44”.

This means that women in this age range are more likely to be harmed by their partner than they are to be injured in a car accident.

Abuse is not just about physical harm.

Many people associate abuse with physical harm, but there is so much more involved in abuse than physical harm. Abuse is about a person wanting control over another person. That desire for control leads to a variety of controlling behaviors including isolation from friends and family, threats, emotional abuse, and more.

Most domestic violence centers use the “Power and Control Wheel” to show the types of abuse, as they go far beyond the physical. Abuse is about power and control which come in these forms, often far before the physical abuse ever begins:

Abusers may change, but not very likely.

Most abused individuals who stay in the relationship do so because they hope the person will change. Unfortunately, there is not a lot of research or data that points to abusers changing their ways.

Is it possible? Yes, but many researchers, including well known abuse expert Lundy Bancroft, say that an abuser changing their ways is a lifelong process and will only happen if an abuser is determined to change.² It is like a disease that never truly goes away but just becomes dormant.

In the case of abuse, it will only become dormant because the abuser seeks help and has decided not to abuse anymore. You also need to consider the likelihood of them changing, which experts say is not promising. The National Domestic Violence Hotline states,³

“There’s a very low percentage of abusers who truly do change their ways.”

It takes a huge effort on the part of an abuser to change their ways. If you are dating someone that exhibits the signs of abuse you need to seriously assess your future and what it will be like when the abuse gets worse as time progresses.

How to Know if They Have Changed

How do you know if your abuser has really changed or if they have really stopped abusing you?

The National Domestic Violence Hotline describes how an abuser exhibits genuine change. Some of these changes include him no longer making excuses for the abusive behavior, recognizing the controlling patterns that underly the abuse, making amends with those he abused, and most importantly exhibiting new behaviors when a situation becomes heated.

An Open Letter From a Former Abuser provides a real life example of how an abuser changed and describes how difficult that change can be:⁴

Are you able to express your opinion to your partner without fear of him lashing out at you verbally or physically? Are you able to be open and honest with your partner about your feelings and feel comfortable that he won’t respond abusively?

If not, then he hasn’t really changed.

Abuse is cyclical. The abuse may just be in the post-abuse phase (also known as the honeymoon phase). The honeymoon phase of abuse is when your partner is being sweet and kind, trying to make up for the recent abuse he inflicted on you. The change isn’t real if it goes right back into the cycle of abuse after time has passed and he has begun to forget about how he abused you.

The Domestic Violence Round Table explains the three phases of abuse very clearly:⁵

The honeymoon phase is usually what keeps most abused individuals in the relationship. They have such high hopes that things will remain in that phase that they stay in the relationship after an abusive episode has happened.

In most cases the abuser has not sought professional help and the abuse cycle will continue. It’s just a matter of time before the cycle starts over. It’s up to you whether you stick around in an abusive relationship to be abused again. If you are being abused, end the cycle by seeking help today.

If you are being abused, get help now.

Life is too short to allow yourself to be harmed and mistreated by another human being. Nobody deserves that treatment. There are domestic violence centers all around the country that help abused individuals for free. You can also contact the National Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for immediate and free help.

If it is a friend or family member that is being abused you need to be supportive and listen to her. It is extremely hard for a person to leave an abusive situation because of a variety of reasons, so you need to be supportive and not judgmental.

Some reasons that a person may not leave include: they fear embarrassment, they don’t have the money to start a life on their own, they love the person, or a number of other reasons. Often it’s not just one reason, which makes it even more difficult to leave. The Love Is Respect Website outlines many of the reasons why people stay in abusive relationships.⁶ Provide your abused friend with resources for help, such as information from you local domestic violence shelter or hotline. Most importantly, be there to listen to your friend and not judge her for her difficult situation and decisions.

Professional help is what an abuser needs. The National Domestic Violence Hotline states that abusers need to participate in a “Certified Batterer Intervention Program” if they want to change.

If you can’t leave, create a plan for your safety.

Sometimes a person is not prepared to leave their abusive situation for a variety of reasons. She may not have a place to stay, not have any money, fear embarassment, or any number of reasons. It is important to have a safety plan in place so that if things escalate in an abusive situation you can easily get to a safe place.

Some ways to prepare include having a plan for multiple escape routes in the home, have a specific friend or contact to call for help, have money saved for emergency exit, and have information for a local domestic violence center near you. The “Stop Relationship Abuse” Website provides greater detail on safety planning including having important documents such as birth certificates on hand in case you have to leave in an emergency.⁷

REFERENCES

[1]	Livestrong: What Are the Causes of an Abusive Relationship?
[2]	Lundy Bancroft: Why Does He Do That?
[3]	The National Domestic Violence Hotline: Is Change Possible In An Abuser?
[4]	Positive Juice: An anonymous open letter to people in abusive relationships who want to stay in the relationship despite the abuse
[5]	The Domestic Violence Round Table: The Cycle of Domestic Violence
[6]	Love Is Respect: Why Do People Stay In Abusive Relationships
[7]	Stop Relationship Abuse: Develop a Safety Plan